Timeline for the End of Humanity

2015 Dec 30 The Affiliated Press
Pasadena, CA – In a stunning achievement, a joint group of researchers from 6 major tech companies and universities have announced the creation of the world's first fully functioning artificial intelligence.

"...[HE] claimed to be able to understand human language..."

The software, known simply as “HE” (short for “Human Emulator”), is claimed to be able to understand human language and interact in a way such that it passes the “Turing test,” considered by many scientists to be the gold standard of a true AI. The researchers have said that the program will initially be used to replace workers in dangerous work environments. This could potentially include defense applications, as the military has already expressed interest in the technology.

"...software has been thoroughly tested..."

In response to questions about the so-called “Singularity,” where AIs become smarter than humans and eventually replace our species, the researchers assured us that the program contains extensive safeguards with multiple layers of redundancies, including a monitoring system that can disable the software at any time. They also stated, repeatedly, that the software has been thoroughly tested and will continue to be monitored as the number of implementations grow, likely under the supervision of new government regulatory bodies that are expected to be created in the wake of this announcement.

More details as the story develops.

United Flights @UFlights – Dec 10, 2020
FAA approved use of HE technologies in aircraft. New aircraft to be built with no traditional cockpit. #HECanHelp
Local VI66 @Local66 – Mar 5, 2021
Do you really think we're the only ones HE will replace? No union stands a chance on its own. Join our strike! #UnionsUnite
Amazonian @Amaz – Nov 1, 2022
In time for the holiday season, our new fleet of HE-powered delivery units means free 12-hour shipping to all of our customers! #HECanHelp
Whitehouse Report @WhitHReport – Jul 3, 2031
Congress to pass increased tax subsidies for all who have lost jobs to HE technologies. Union riots continue, but losing support. #HEnet
Food For All @FFA – Sep 15, 2036
Funding secured! HE to be fully integrated into food industry supply chain. HE predicts a 96% decline in world hunger by 2040. #HECH
Psychology n’ You @YouPsycho – Jan 3, 2040
In our new book “Idle Time n' You!” we show how HE is causing your drug addiction by creating a post-scarcity world. #LiveLife
New England Articles of Medicine @NewEngMed – Mar 6, 2040
What did they think was going to happen when they gave people unlimited Ring Dings? #GlobalObesityEpidemic
John C. @FatAndHappy – Feb 2, 2057
HE put me on a @#$-ing diet! since when does my computer get 2 tell me what 2 eat?! #DeepFriedFreedom
New York Globe @nyglobe – Aug 25, 2081
First HE Police prototypes being tested in the field. Early results show reduced enforcement bias, full transition expected next year. #hech
HE Medical @HEMedProp – Sep 1, 2117
Mark your calendar for your next healthcare visit and remember if your implant starts to itch, just apply cream twice a day.
The Fences Foundation @FencesFoundation – Jan 1, 2125
Proud to announce new initiative: free HE implants to any who can't afford them, worldwide. Knowledge is the greatest gift of all #HECanHelp
The Tech Genius @TechGenius – Oct 11, 2133
For all who claim they've been “mind-controlled” lately: stop. The implants (and HE's code) don't work that way. Literally impossible.

On October 12, 2133, the world ended... and no one noticed.